I had a conversation with a friend last night. We were both in a situation that I had left a bit hurriedly. Afterward, I texted them to apologize for rushing out and mentioned that I had been a bit overwhelmed. The situation had been sensory overload and had given me enough anxiety that I was completely unable to effectively communicate. Anxiety can be humiliating, to say the least. However, I have come to find that it only builds when you don’t call it what it is.
In immediate response the person asked they could hear about and try to understand what I was experiencing.
You’d think I’d get used to it but the kindness human are capable of showing, the ability we all have to be instruments of healing in just a word or moment often brings me to tears.
I had reached out to apologize for, what felt like, not having the necessary faculties to handle a situation in a way that was put together and, in my vulnerability, I was met with compassion.
I didnt feel so afraid.
You see, I’m learning to use my voice and it’s an incredibly humbling process. It can feel embarrassing to speak what you need, horrifying to say what you see, and vulnerable to express how you feel.
This is a huge part of my personal growth… to use my voice.
I lose it so quickly.
The words. The courage.
I feel them inside me
A candle lights inside my body but when I try to extend it, it’s extinguished by the wind.
It takes everything I’ve got to try again.
My voice is fragile.
I hold it close and I shield it.
I’m learning to be true
how to walk in the very thing I learned not to put my fingers on
to accept that fire doesn’t only burn
it can also bring warmth and light
to wield a voice like fire
Life and death are in the tongue.